It was pyjama day at school today and I’m telling you, making this just an annual event is doing a disservice to parents everywhere. I would be all for paying my gold coin donation weekly – one less outfit to wash, one less thing to do in the morning. And after being chained to the house with a sick kid and his brother for the past three days, it was a nice little carrot for getting them out the door (at long looooong last) this morning.
I never thought I’d be a stay-at-home mum
My parents owned their own business, and working long and hard in an out-of-the-home environment was pretty much all I knew growing up. Before I had kids, I worked in a comms role for a large Australian corporate and ran Lazy Girl Fitness on the side. Life was packed to the brim, but I loved it – LGF fueled my passion for connection and writing, with the added benefit of real-world health and fitness.
I took 12 months of maternity leave with Alfie, but genuinely thought I’d be back in the Lazy Girl Fitness saddle within a few months. I mean, I thought lots of things before I knew what being a parent would actually feel like for me. Then after I had a real-life baby, I stopped thinking at all. Sleep became a distant, longed-for memory, food was a minefield thanks to multiple allergies, and anxiety was my not-so-welcome sidekick. I was successfully keeping a tiny human alive but quietly (and sometimes not-so-quietly) falling apart myself.
And then, everything changed
I decided to push my maternity leave back by 12 months, and during that time became pregnant with Charlie and moved further from the city. Shortly after he was born, I was made redundant. Covid shut the world down. I had two kids under two, no daycare, and a difficult-to-access village. It was brutal, but it also gave me space to recognise what was happening… despite strong personal resistance, I was becoming a SAHM.
The discomfort of being ‘just mum’To begin with, it was highly uncomfortable for me. I wanted to be at home with the boys – I genuinely loved it, even on the hardest days – but I dreaded people asking me what I did for work. You could almost see their eyes glaze over as I told them I was at home with the kids. Either that or they’d follow it up with “hardest job in the world”, an awkward laugh and swift change of subject. I felt judged by some of my closest friends. And honestly, I was judging myself. Questioning why ‘other mums’ were mums AND teachers, mums AND CEOs, mums AND something else, while I was just content with being ‘just’ mum.
These are the days
I’ve stopped judging myself quite so harshly now. I know it’s a privilege to have the choice to be at home with my kids, and so I owe it to myself to sit comfortably in that choice. I love that I can pick Alfie up from school each day, that Charlie and I get to choose our own adventures, and that I’ve had an incredible amount of face time with them in the first five years of their lives. I’ve learned that it’s not worse, nor better, than the choice mums make to work full time or part time. It just is. And it’s worked for us.
What I’ve learned along the way
Charlie is going to ‘big school’ next year, and so I’ve been figuring out what I want to do in this next phase. It’s what has driven me to start writing again, to find my voice, and to seek connection. I haven’t figured it all out yet, but I have learnt a few things, including:
- People often judge what they don’t understand, and I’m working hard not to let that shape the way I see myself.
- Spending time with my kids has helped me loosen my grip on always ‘doing’ (and especially on doing things the ‘right’ way).
- I want to be there for the pick-ups, the questions, the silences, the chaos. These truly are the days, and I want to soak in as much as I can.
- There’s no single right way to do this; we’re all just figuring out what works for our own families.
And now…
Here I am, sitting in a quiet house with a strangely hot coffee, two pyjama-clad boys off at school. And while I still don’t know exactly what I want to be when I grow up, I know it’ll be after school drop off and (ideally) involve writing, solid connection, and the opportunity to drink my coffee while it’s still hot.
Know someone about to embark on the crazy ride we call This Mum Life? Share my baby essentials checklist with them.